WRITING IT OUT

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.
 

When we're hurt, it helps to "cry it out." When we want to solve problems, it helps to talk it out." The belief in the healing power of "catharsis" goes back for thousands of years in human history. Even the word, "catharsis," comes from the Greek word "katharos", which means "to purify." "Getting your feelings out", or "talking out
your problems, your grief, your joy, your anger, your hurt, is believed to psychologically, emotionally, and even physically benefit us.

We know that holding back or "stuffing" one's feelings about emotional events can be mentally harmful and often physically damaging as well. At one point in the movie, "Zorba, The Greek," Zorba is filled with traumatic grief over the murder of a lover. What does he do to release the pain? He dances! What a great method for
catharsis! He lets go of his physical and emotional tension through movement.

Today, we seek out counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, ministers, support groups, and friends, in order to cry out our feelings, talk out our problems, and perhaps relieve our internal stress through strenuous activity. Crying openly, talking honestly, and moving freely are all methods for helping us deal with the emotional, mental, and physical after-effects of trauma or stress. They are cathartic...purifying.

 There is another kind of emotional outlet that some people find superior to any of the other methods. It is "writing it out." For some people, writing down their feelings and thoughts can be at least as helpful as conversation. The mere act of self-disclosure through writing seems to be helpful in relieving some from internal stress. People who find it hard to speak about deep emotions, who haven't cried in years, who have suffered experiences they are reluctant to discuss, or who have no ready listener, often find a daily session with pen and paper may serve as a comforting and useful substitute for talking.

 Poets and writers know the benefits of writing out their deepest thoughts and feelings. People write stories, keep journals, write letters, keep diaries, and perhaps even write columns for newspapers, all as methods of keeping themselves from stagnating with internalised thoughts and feelings.

 

Writing may also promote healing. For instance, we know that writing by hand stimulates your body to produce more "natural killer cells," a crucial element in your immune system's ability to fight cancer. So daily writing in a journal is something you can do to escalate your own healing process.

 

In my coaching practice, I often recommend that couples, who for whatever reasons are unable to talk openly about their relationship with each another, write out their thoughts and feelings, their needs and desires. Writing allows them the time to think through what they want to communicate. It may clarify what their feelings and thoughts really are. It will allow them to describe their feelings without worry about another's immediate reaction. It may even strengthen their personal beliefs that their opinions, ideas and emotions are important and valuable. Writing permits them to read what they've written at a later time, thereby reaping the double benefits of both
expressing themselves, and viewing themselves from a more objective standpoint.

If you decide to use the method of "writing it out" as a catharsis, here are a few suggestions to maximise the benefits.

 

First, always write the truth as you know it now. Lying to yourself or hiding from the truth by keeping it inside only deludes you into believing it won't hurt as much, or thinking it will go away if you wait long enough. Honestly writing out your truth as you experience it may even free you from imprisoning shame.

Secondly, while you are writing, withhold judging or evaluating what you write. Fear of negative or punitive judgement may be the very reason want to keep your feelings and thoughts inside in the first place. So let it all "hang out" in the writing. Perhaps only you will ever see what you write anyway.

Finally, write without concern about form, grammar, syntax, spelling, sentence construction, or the "mechanics" of writing. Give yourself the freedom to move, speak, and feel in any way you wish to write. If you feel the need to correct your writing, you can always do it later, not while you are in the process.

The next time you feel the pressure inside to express who you are and what you feel, and can't seem to bring yourself to speak, cry, or move, try writing it out. Writing it out can be a genuinely purifying and healing act.